Christian Parents and Child Support
Dealing with child support can be a tremendous challenge for any single parent sho is truggling to raise children outside of a loving, committed, Christ centered marriage but it can be extremely daunting for singles who not only must contend with all of the usual problems that plague single parents but must also reconcile these difficulties with their biblical beliefs.
Questions like is it Godly for mom to drag her ex to court for child support or should a dad remain a father figure in a child’s life even after he has learned that the kid is not his are big issues for Christian mothers and fathers to grapple with. To make matters worse many Christians are often advised by their fellow church members and spiritual leaders to refrain from utilizing the legal system to resolve their disputes. “If you pray hard enough God will surly soften the heart of your ex and in time he or she will eventually mend their evil ways” they are frequently told. Sadly many of these parents, eager to see God miraculous movement follow this advice only to end up worse off than they initially may have been.
As a family law attorney and author of the book Girl Get That Child Support and the soon to be released book Boy Drop The Child Support I have counseled countless men and women who are resolute in their belief that praying hard and fasting long is all they need to do to resolve their child support troubles. I have also met more than my fair share of single parents - most of them women - who are of the mind set that it is more Godly for them to struggle to raise their children alone, and more spiritual to neglect them by taking a second job to make ends meet than to sue the father of their kids - who can afford to help his children - for child support. What each of these women fail to understand is that this kind of suffering does not draw them closer to God it will only draw them closer to poverty and perhaps even an early grave.
Christian single parents must understand that God expects his children to be intelligent critical thinkers who are able to utilize the mental ingenuity that he has blessed them with to learn as much as they can about their legal rights and responsibilities so that they can better protect these rights as well as the rights of their innocent children. Just as God expects us to learn about good health and engage the medical resources that are available to us when necessary so that we can enjoy long and robust lives, he also expects us to educate ourselves when it comes to the law and at times to utilize the court system so that we can better conduct ourselves and avoid the mistakes that so many have made in the past.
Though far from being perfect the child support system as we know it is not inherently evil. It only becomes evil when carnal parents use it as a weapon to destroy their ex rather than as a means to help their children. Yes there are millions of non Christian mothers out there who seek child support as a way to exert economic control over the fathers of their Kids or to punish men for moving on to new relationships. There are also many un-saved fathers out there who consistently ignore their children’s cry for financial help and deprive them of much needed economic assistance. But the actions of these people should not turn Christian parents who are unable to resolve their child support problems away from the help that the court system can provide.
Christian parents’ however, should be careful to subscribe to a code of ethics when litigating child support cases. Christian mothers should refrain from vilifying the fathers of their children in the eyes of the kids and should never demand more child support than they truly need to support their children. They should also take into consideration a father’s ability to pay the money that is demanded. Trying to squeeze every dollar from a man with no consideration to his need to support himself and any other children he may have is simply selfish and not of God.
Similarly Christian fathers should make it their business to be there for their kids both emotionally, spiritually and financially. Christian fathers should not put their own needs or the needs of their new family ahead of the needs of their children from prior relationships but should work to find ways to equitably meet all of these responsibilities. Christian fathers who find themselves thwarted from conducting meaningful relationships with their kids should seek legal help as quickly as they can.
Christians parents who are single should also seek to keep the lines of communication with their ex partner as strong as possible. This can only be accomplished by treating each other with respect, addressing one another in a spirit of civility and working as a team to resolve disagreements concerning child rearing. By following a Christ centered code of conduct Christian parents can resolve even the most difficult of child support cases both effectively and peacefully.
Cathy M. Middleton, Esq. is a partner in the law offices of Middleton & Middleton, located in Laurelton, Queens. Her law firm focuses on family law and personal injury litigation. She is also the author of the book, Girl Get That Child Support: The Baby Mama’s Guide To Tracking Down A Deadbeat, Finding His Cash and Making Him Pay Every Dollar He Owes You. Her second book, Boy Drop That Child Support: How To Keep Your Baby’s Mama From Draining Your Pockets Dry, is scheduled to be released later this summer. To reach out to Attorney Middleton or to purchase one of her books visit www.cathymiddleton.com.
